I've been sorting through a lot of feelings of hurt and sorrow. I've been working really hard on pointing and focusing those feelings to God. Trying my hardest to allow for God to take those feelings and work through them.
It's been a roller coaster ride as I've been working on my faith and in becoming a more confident Christian. Funny as I look back to 4 months ago, I was afraid of Alpha, praying outloud and even sharing! God's been super patient in my life and has waited for me to embrace what I've always been meant to be. It's hard to put into words all the tears I've had over the last couple of weeks (and at the most random times and places!) Steph always says that God is "doing something" in my life whenever I start tearing up! Can He do His thing without me ending up in tears every day? ;o) I can't say enough what a true blessing my NCC family has been to me. They accept me for exactly who I am. And for that, I am thankful.
For the last couple of weeks, I've been on a leadership retreat with NCC and the staff also fasted for vision. As a result, on a personal level, it's become crystal clear to me that the Hyatt is not the place for me. Disagreements with boss aside, I believe in the mantra: "Do what you love, love what you do". I am NOT doing what I love and I most definitely do not love what I do at the Hyatt. I also believe in making changes that will "stand the test of time". I don't believe in fixing and refixing a problem because you didn't think through it the first time around or because you wanted a "quick fix". It's just not me. I think with my heart and I'm just not meant to work for a corporation. Working at the Hyatt hasn't all been bad. I need to cover myself with prayers and the Word in order for me to make it through a work day. It's a blessing in disguise- for me to rely on Him so much. Pastor Mark would say, "that's just the way He wants it". But at the end of the day, I'm not meant to work at the Hyatt. It's not the right fit for me. I've been trying for too long to make it fit, and it will never fit.
After all the tears and talks and more tears from the last several weeks, I'm just now beginning to grasp the concept of "Jesus love me". I know its super duper basic. I know that its "Christianity 101". But it's really difficult for me to process that statement. Melissa sent me an email the other day, "You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either, how God was willing to send His Son to die for me, and how Jesus would agree to do such a thing. I don't understand the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as they watched Jesus suffer and die I don't understand the intense love for ME that kept Jesus on the cross till the end. I don't understand it, but it sure does make life worth living." John 3:16- For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Crazy Pants. I know.
I am the Lord, and there is no other;
apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you,
though you have not acknowledged me,
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