Hope's Got Me

So I'm pretty sure everyone know's my saga at the Hyatt by now.

This past week I was pulled into the office of Jay- aka "Big Kahuna" (Cheryl's boss) and he told me that I was a negative person. He also told me that most of my co-workers didn't like to work with me because I was such a negative influence for them. I should also mention that Jay asked me to choose between school and work. He felt that school was interfering with my job. I was so bummed when I found out and seriously confused! Me? A negative person? Me? the person who loves to laugh and sing? Whaaaaaaaaat? You know the worst part for me was that I believed him. The more I thought about it, I found ways to convince myself that I was and I believed that I was a negative person. Every day last week I was just a miserable human being. I also tried really hard to change at work- I bought everyone coffee, I was extra extra bubbly and I even agreed to work a 19 hour shift to gain extra brownie points. I started obsessively checking my emails from work when I was off and tried to be a "fake Diana". None of that made a difference to how I felt. None of that made a difference to how the Hyatt viewed me. On some level, before Jay pulled me into his office, I knew that I needed to leave but really didn't want to leave the Hyatt because it meant that I was unable to succeed at a job- even as unhappy as I was there. But then Jay said, "I can't promote you because of your negative attitude, not because of how you do your job." Me... wow. I'm a negative person.

After my 19 hour shift at the Hyatt this weekend, I went to service at NCC and felt so at peace there. I went "sledding" and made some snow angels with some amazing people in the snow. I spent the entire day with fellow NCCers and felt more at home and more at peace than I have since I've moved to DC. I love being among them and constantly being challenged by NCCers. I love that they support me but yet push me to grow each and every single day, without ever asking me to change who I am. I realized today as I was listening to Steph Modder's "Hope's Got Me" that NCC is where I belong. I've done my job at the Hyatt. Jay said so himself. But, at one point- enough is enough. I am not a negative person! How could I allow for someone who doesn't really know me to have so much input and impact on my life? A place where going to school is a bad thing. A place where someone trying to literally grow and expand one's mind is a bad thing! Whether or not my coworkers like working for me is something I'll never find out, but I do know that fellow NCCers like working with me. These are people whose opinion matter to me- whose respect, love and affection matter to me.

The other day, I walked into Mark Batterson's office for the first time ever. He has books lined floor to ceiling in there- he's read every single one of them! I'm talking hundreds and hundreds of books. The staff at NCC gets a budget every month to purchase books for themselves so they can continue to.. who would've thunk? Learn. This is a place that encourages learning. This is a place that supports growth without squashing someone's passion. In fact, NCC does the exact opposite! NCC allows me to push my creative boundaries and encourages for me to pursue my passions. All without asking me to change who I am.

For the first time, I'm at peace with leaving the Hyatt. I have no idea where I'm going or what I'll be doing, but I've got God on my side and I know that no matter what they say about me and who I am as a person, it won't make a difference. 2010 is around the corner and there are bigger and better things coming my way. All of them include NCC in one way or another.

 "Hope's got me wrapped so tightly. This is not the end. I'm ready to begin again."~Steph Modder.