Paralyzed In My Wimpyness

For the last year, my bold prayer (or so I thought), has been for me to break generational bonds as I enter into healthy relationships. I know the statistics for someone who has had the upbringing I've had. I know that what I have now is nothing short of God and His work in my life. But I also am very cognoscente that breaking generational bonds is not something that will come overnight and that it requires constant work.

Lately, I've really felt as though that specific prayer isn't... necessary anymore. Almost as if God wants me to stand on His promise and claim it for myself. For the last month, I've really been feeling the Lord urging me to pray bigger and bolder prayers. It's like He's daring me to dream and reach for the impossible. (Can I get any more cliche?)

Annetta says it best, "You’ve got dreams. I’ve got dreams. Some of these dreams are God-breathed. Some of them are...well, ME-breathed. It’s sometimes painful to realize, but I know that if a dream is not a God-dream, then it’s not a good dream."

That inspires me and frightens me all at the same time. Currently, I'm paralyzed in my wimpyness... but I know that all I can do is keep weeding and surrendering through the ME-breathed dreams until I get to the God-breathed one.

As I feel challenged to pray bigger and bolder prayers, I find myself re-evaluting my life and who I am. I have found that I view myself in a completely different light lately- not one that is timid or putting myself down, but one that allows me to be filled with joy as I become more and more comfortable in my own skin.

He changed my idea of Him, then my idea of me...and now, only now is He changing my circumstances. I love and hate it all at the same time.

And so, as I prepare myself for the next season of my life, I need to remind myself that I am still in my current season for a reason. There is still more to learn, more to see, and more to do here. I can not become impatient while I'm dreaming. As a result, I continuously have to be reminded of who He is. And in the same breath, who I am IN Him.