02 May 2012

What A Week


Last week was... chaotic, a blessing, stressful, spiritually challenging, exciting and essentially- bipolar.

It started out with an email from a friend, saying that her pregnant sister was in the hospital and that they both might not make it. Cue up "intense prayer mode". Then at 3am, I get an email that says, "In Labor!" from Tortrix. Cue up "Wooooooooo!!! PTL mode".

See? Bipolar.

7 hours later, Tortrix's baby is born. oh man did I rejoice. I have been waiting anxiously to meet this little baby for a looooooong time (really, 9 months, but let me be dramatic). But, just a few hours before, I got an update from my friend who was begging God for her sister and niece's life. What does one do in this situation? It's not uncommon... life and death happen daily. But that particular day, I was ultra sensitive to it. I prayed and praised like never before for 2 babies who were about to enter the world in 2 very different ways. Days later, we learn that my friend's sister is going to be fine. The baby is small, but fighting for her life. P...T...L.

That same week, members of the worship team got hitched and another had baby number 3! Soooo much rejoicing!

In the midst of babies and weddings, a series of events happened last week that I can not bring myself to type out- makes it too real. In some ways, it was expected and in many, many other ways, it came out of left field and felt unnecessary, messy, and hurtful. With everything else happening, how do I respond? How do I process? Sometimes I wanted to respond with grace, love and understanding.... other times, I wanted to respond with hurt, outbursts of anger, and bitterness. And then there are the times when I am just upset for putting myself in the position to be hurt in the first place. What did I tell ya? BIPOLAR!

In these moments, I'm thankful for those who have stood by me to carry me when I'm too tired to pray through.

Nothing is figured out. Nothing is right. The only thing I'm certain of, is that I should get really use to the feeling of the ground falling out from underneath me. It seems to be where I constantly live. It's where God will prune me and where I will live in a daily dependance of Him. That and conversations with Gebet, ElastiGirl and Paris combined with Ben & Jerry's, make the fight worthwhile.

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