Casting of Nets

What am I willing to give up to follow Jesus? How appropriate that my small group is asking this very question while NCC is going through an "All In" series (small group is not an NCC small group).

As I go through my growing process of figuring out who I am, I've been shedding old habits and trying to learn new and healthier ones. It never once dawned on me how hard I would have to fight to keep my new habits. As of late, I've experienced a heightened sense of spiritual warfare. The need, want and desire to crawl back into my insecurities are just so gosh darn appealing! As God blesses me with new relationships, I want to crawl back into my old/manipulative/controlling self. The habit to create expectations as a self-defense mechanism is strong and let me be the first to tell you... it is EXHAUSTING to stay on the road that I know God is calling me to.

It reminds me of when Mia Michaels choreographed a dance on the show "So You Think You Can Dance" about addiction. The man represents "addiction" and the woman is desperately fighting for her life in the dance. It's a beautiful representation of the struggle. How addiction is powerful, graceful, appealing and controlling. The two dancers are constantly touching in one way shape or form through the entire dance and in the moments when they're not touching... the addiction controls the woman like a puppet. In my case, man represents "dependency on others".

I create expectations and high ones of others so that they will fail me. So that I have a reason to be controlling of the situation. I create ways and areas in which others will fail in my eyes to prove that I don't need them, but in some weird and psychological way, I need them to feed my addiction.

It has been so liberating to replace God in all that and really freeing too. But it is a daily choice that I have to make. Some days are harder than others to make that choice. What am I willing to give up in order to follow Jesus? Control. Manipulation. Dependency. The list goes on and on and on.

One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers—Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew—throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. 19 Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!” 20 And they left their nets at once and followed him.~Matthew 4:18-20

Here's the addiction video I was referring to: